Deserts of Snow and Voices of Silence
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
(photo credit)
The Russian word for desert is "poustinia." In traditional Russian culture, poustinia not only refers to an isolated, arid landscape, but it also means a special place, usually some sort of rough cabin, set apart for a man or woman to go and meet with God in intensive solitude. In previous centuries in rural Russia, it would not have been strange for a man or woman, compelled by the inner-voice of God in their spirit, to leave everything in their life behind for a time and with permission from the local bishop, go construct a poustinia, and wait on the Lord.
This last weekend I attempted four days of poustinia in the barren winter woodlands of central Minnesota. The nearest town was named St. Francis, incidentaly. My shelter had graciously been built and maintained by the third order of the Franciscan Brothers at Pacem In Terris. My hermitage had a gas heater and a few sparse furnishings. I took warm clothes, a few books, and a flashlight for the biffy.
The only noise for four days was the occasional crack of water freezing inside a tree that would shatter the silence and make me jump in my chair. The sub-zero temperature and blanket of sound-absorbing snow turned my world into a black and white photograph - all the colors were faded to a grayscale pallette, and the world I could see was frozen still. I could not sense the slightest movement of a single twig on a tree. When I sat still, the only thing that reminded me time had not stopped was the beating of my heart. At night everything was wrapped in pitch darkness except for the sky, which emitted a faint pure glow from the stars that pierced its canopy.
Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.
Psalm 42:5
It was into this setting that I entered, trying as best I could to have no agenda whatsoever, only to be still and wait expectantly in faith on the Lord. As the hours and days passed by, boredom and impatience slowly merged into a peace. The constant disturbance of waves started to subside over the deep pools of my soul, and I was able to catch momentary glimpses into the true desires of my heart - desires that were holy becuase they were the desires of God himself. I believe all people who have responded to the call of Jesus and recieved His gift of the Holy Spirit have these desires placed in them by God. One of the roots of our discipleship and transformation into Christ-likeness is to grow into these desires by quieting the raging sea around them of the expectations of others, wounds and failures, intellectual knowledge, insecurities, and our weakness towards ignoring God's reign in our minds, hearts, and actions.
Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.
Matthew 16:24
It was this verse that I sensed as the response to my question: "Jesus, what do you want me to do?" I realized how precious these years of my life are right now, and how my singleness is not a burden, but a blessing of singleness of heart towards Christ! I recieved no insight into the future, no direction for this year or next; only an invitation to a journey inward, an invitation into a courtship with the Lord Jesus Christ. The goal is a divine union; the result is true compassion for all people. This is the desire of my heart.
My prayer is not for them [his 12 disciples] alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.
John 17:20-23
I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
John 15:5
Posted by Benjamin Washam 7:21 PM
Labels: General Reflections, Minneapolis, Scripture Reflections
I'm so glad I asked you about all of these things before I read them... hahaha. right.
Glad to hear you had a useful time. And I certainly agreed with the paragraph where you mentioned singleness. I appriciated those words. :)
I really am praying for you. Right this second in fact. I'm glad I got to spend a little bit of time with you while you were here... if you're ever too bored up there in Minnesota, you can come down and visit :)
I also listened to your music. Wonderful (esp. the Valentine's Day song.) You should record your song you wrote for Mark and Dana and put it on there too.
Okay... this is long... and random... but I'm thinking of you friend! Blessings! emmy lou
Leading to barren peaks,
Not a final destination.
But what a view!
love,
luke