Tim Lockie, my InnerCHANGE internship coordinator and Church of the Sojourners housemate, myself, and Darren Prince, my InnerCHANGE mentor. This is in the Marin Headlands, my favorite place in the Bay.
Posted by Benjamin Washam 12:32 AM 2 comments
Labels: San Francisco
Last days in SF
Thursday, July 28, 2005
As I write this I have only 48 hours left in San Francisco for my summer internship. Saturday morning I will fly out to Denver to see a friend and then participate in a closing/debriefing time with other InnerCHANGE interns in Denver Monday through Wednesday. Wednesday night, I will be back at Wheaton to start my life as an Assistant Residence Director!
It has been difficult to spend the last week doing everything for the "last time." Wednesday night dinner with the homeless last night was especially hard; I've made some very good friends that didn't want me to leave. The last week since returning from my retreat at the monastary has been very difficult emotionally for a number of reasons, and this is why I haven't yet posted a summary of my retreat, but it will be coming soon.
Please pray for my last days that I would finish well and be able to get some semblance of closure with the many wonderful relationships I have started here. To tell you the truth, it is much more like leaving home and extended family than a summer internship. I thank you all for your prayers and words of wisdom and gifts that have made this incredible summer possible. My only hope is that you have benefitted from the experiences I've shared and have responded to God calling you to follow Him in your own way.
Posted by Benjamin Washam 10:16 AM 0 comments
Labels: San Francisco
Solitude and a Surprise!
Thursday, July 14, 2005
This weekend I will be venturing out of the bustle of San Francisco for a spiritual retreat, an integral part of every InnerCHANGE internship. This will help facilitate my time of reflection (see next post) near the end of my time here and will give me an extended period of quiet to listen to God and spend a good amount of time journalling about my experience.
By the grace of God, a spot opened up at the last minute at the monastary in Big Sur (pictured above) where I attended mass daily while camping with Casa San Dimas just a week or so ago! (see post below, Tuesday, July 5) People are normally on a wait list for 6-9 months to get in! I consider it a special blessing from God that the place where He revealed Himself to me in a special way is now being offered to me again for a spiritual retreat!
I will be staying at the New Camaldoli Hermitage in Big Sur, a Benedictine Monastary in the mountains overlooking the Pacific Ocean. I will have a private trailer where I will be alone with God and a breathtaking view of the ocean, attending mass with the monks, and meeting with one of the monks for spiritual direction/mentoring. My packing list will be little more than a bible, journal, a Henri Nouwen book, and a guitar. I will be there from Friday morning through Sunday afternoon. Please pray that I would find solitude and would be able to listen to the presence and voice of Christ. I am very excited for this time and am expectant for God to produce fruit that has been blooming and preparing to be harvested all summer.
Posted by Benjamin Washam 7:14 PM 2 comments
Labels: San Francisco
Local flowers. (No touchups - they really are that bright!)
Posted by Benjamin Washam 2:18 PM 0 comments
Labels: San Francisco
So wait, I thought....
Some people have been asking whether I moved into Casa San Dimas; the last couple of weeks I had been interested in moving from media work to more Incarnational work with the guys at the transitional home. I didn't end up moving in with them full-time for a number of reasons, the biggest being
Action - Reflection.
This is a popular idea at InnerCHANGE and I've come to appreciate it. The idea is to do the intensive missionary and service oriented stuff and then step back to reflect, especially at the beginning/internship stage. As most of you know, the last two months or so of my internship have been jam packed with new experiences, learning, observing, and participating in work with the homeless, media work for a conference, quasi-incarnational work with young Latino men, Christian Communal Living, and much, much more - ACTION. When I felt God leading me in the direction of more people-oriented incarnational ministry at the end of my internship, my first instinct was to "do something" about it, and move into Casa San Dimas.
After consulting with some older and wiser leaders here in the city, they wisely suggested not jumping in at the end of my time here. I need these last few weeks to simply REFLECT, journal, and pray about what God has already done, instead of jumping right into another ministry, then flying out to jump into Assistant Residence Director training back at Wheaton. I have since seen how valuable this time at the end of my internship can be to bring closure and really mine all the valuable lessons and insights out of the summer.
I will still be involved in hanging out with the Casa San Dimas guys, (like last night when I went over and watched the Mexico vs. Jamaica soccer game with them) but it will not be a primary, all-consuming commitment.
Posted by Benjamin Washam 1:37 PM 0 comments
Labels: San Francisco
Who Do You See?
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Posted by Benjamin Washam 12:07 AM 1 comments
Labels: San Francisco
Story Time
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Here are some short anecdotes about some friends I've met at the Wednesday night dinner at First Baptist Church. To read the background story, see the post from May 21 near the bottom of this page.
Jerry: an older-middle aged man, soft-spoken, hard of hearing, loves baseball, and asks me everytime he sees me how I'm enjoying San Francisco. He was the first homeless person I got to know. He's living on the streets of San Francisco until his pension kicks in next year.
Hilton: middle aged african-american man, clean cut, always reading a John Grisham book. Everytime I talk with him I am convinced I've met him before, or he reminds me of someone else I cannot remember.
Robert: tonight he told me an epic tale of intervening in a fight between his dad and uncle where he ended up saving his father's share of their inheritance - a closet full of hunting rifles. He comes to the Wednesday night dinner to see some of his homeless friends. He has a residence, but comes anyway to hang out with people and get a good meal. He told me about a race happening later this month with people swimming from Alcatraz Island to the mainland. Alcatraz Invitational Site
Posted by Benjamin Washam 11:07 PM 1 comments
Labels: San Francisco
The 'Hood Comes To The Beach
The photo you see is of myself, German (pronounced "Hair-mawn"), Francisco, and Soto at Big Sur, CA. We hit the beach on Saturday after a week of camping with Communidad San Dimas (CSD). These three guys live in Casa San Dimas, a Christian transitional house run by CSD to support young men coming out of Juvenile hall. I had a terrific time at Big Sur. I was able to carry on quite well in Spanish and begin to make some deeper friendships with the guys in this group, who I plan to spend a lot more time getting to know. (see next post)
Posted by Benjamin Washam 1:07 AM 1 comments
Labels: San Francisco
God Is Doin' A New Thang
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
The above image may require some background storytelling to give you an idea of why in the heck a white boy from Yakima, WA went camping with a bunch of Latino homeboys from San Francisco.
My choice to join CSD on their annual camping trip was actually just a natural outflow of the movement that had been taking place in my heart over the previous two weeks. Ever since the InnerCHANGE Conference, I had begun to feel a very tangible movement within me from desiring to serve through media, to a more incarnational form of ministry among people. I enjoyed serving as the media/helper person, but at the same time realized that this was not my passion or dream for future ministry. As much as I have training and education and skill in multimedia communication and am willing to use them, I realized my real passion and desire is to work more directly with people in a pastoral role, possibly in an incarnational setting. I felt God calling me to a higher level of leadership that will require a little more risk and a lot more faith.
It is very unusual for me to sense God’s leading this strongly and with so much confirmation in a number of ways, so I pursued it wholeheartedly. I approached my mentors and supervisors here at InnerCHANGE and asked if there was any way to shape the internship at this point to expose me to InnerCHANGE outside of the office – incarnational ministry among the poor and marginalized. Even before the meeting with my mentors, I had felt that Casa San Dimas was my “in” to this neighborhood, and the only feasible place to build relationships in the remaining three weeks. Many of the guys I had already met and become acquainted with through my Monday night visits to Juvenile hall (see post from May 26th). In the meeting with my supervisor I mentioned Casa San Dimas as a place where I could invest some time and energy, and my supervisor mentioned that the CSD camping trip was only four days later, and I was invited!
I am grateful that God orchestrated this in my life to give me clear leading as to how to pursue future ministry and then gave me this perfect opportunity to try it out right here! Keep checking the blog for further developments; I am still seeking the Lord and others as to how He would have me spend my last three weeks here, pursuing this new direction God has opened to me, possibly moving into Casa San Dimas to live with the guys.
I am also reminded of the unsearchable wisdom of God; how He subtly led me last winter into applying to be the Assistant Residence Director of Fischer Dorm at Wheaton next year (a very pastoral role) when I didn’t even know the significance that role would have for me at the time!
Posted by Benjamin Washam 11:58 PM 2 comments
Labels: San Francisco
Urgent Prayer Request
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
I have been given the opportunity to go on a 6 day camping trip with Casa San Dimas (a Christian house for youth coming out of Juvenile Hall). I have jumped at the chance, and we leave tomorrow at 6am and will be camping until the 4th of July. Please pray for God's spirit to be at work; there will be many active gang members present on the trip, Surenos and Nortenos together (these are the two main rival gangs that spread from Central America all the way north in America, including Yakima). God has historically done very powerful things on this annual trip, and we await to see how He will work this year.
This will be my first time fully immersed in this (Spanish speaking) Latino youth gang culture. It will be a cross cultural submersion, and I need much grace to be able to communicate well in Spanish, as well as start to befriend people that are worlds apart from me in terms of background and life experiences. Pray that I would be sensitive to the voice of the Holy Spirit in whatever form that might take so that I might not be a spectator, but a participant in the work God will do.
I am also praying, and would ask you to join me, for wisdom; that God would use this time to direct me as to the last month of my internship. I am seeking to know if He would have me move in full time with the Casa San Dimas guys to experience a small piece of incarnational ministry. Thank you for your prayers!
Posted by Benjamin Washam 1:27 AM 3 comments
Labels: San Francisco
Joining the Order
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
The last three days I have been with 7 other summer interns for training/orientation to InnerCHANGE . Tonight we met in the Mission Dolores, the oldest standing building in the State of California that is located a few blocks from where I live. (In the first picture, it is the smaller building to the left of the basilica.) It was started in 1776 by members of the Franciscan Order of Friars who's founder was St. Francis of Assisi. Mission Dolores was chosen for our commissioning because InnerCHANGE takes much of its identity as an order from the Franciscan's, a mendicant/apostolic order started in 1206.
One thing that defines an order apart from simply a missions sending agency is that they have defining commitments that each member agrees to follow and that hold them together accountable as a community. (For instance, the Franciscan Friars vowed to Poverty, Chastity, and Obedience.) The six commitments all members of InnerCHANGE make are to Humility, Simplicity, Purity, Service, Community, and Prayer. (full version @ IC site)
Following in the footsteps of many saints for nearly a thousand years, I took my first steps toward joining a Christian Order. This is not for show, for power, or out of guilt; I have come to realize in ministry that burnout is a reality too dear to most missionaries, especially missionaries amoung the poor and marginalized. I have observed how these six commitments have helped ministers to maintain a consistent rhythm of spiritual formation, stay in a supportive and accountable community, and stay centered. The goal I wanted to aim for was a lifestyle of ministry that would be wholistic and sustainable for a lifetime, if need be. Tonight in the Mission I was able to pray through the six commitments that comprise this Order and commit to pursuing them with God's help and making them the defining characteristics of my life.
Posted by Benjamin Washam 1:13 AM 7 comments
Labels: San Francisco
Monks, Friars, Prophets, and Me
Saturday, June 18, 2005
No, it's not Martin Luther, it's not Robin Hood, and it's not ancient Israel, but it IS very interesting. The Prophetic Conference has kicked off and I have been been hearing invaluable teaching from a monk with a Doctorate in Christian Spirituality, a Franciscan Friar, and many other ordinary people who have taken a prophetic posture in life by seeking, seeing, and resisting the forces of evil that exist in our society.
After hearing their stories and testimonies, I was able to read Isaiah 58 with fresh eyes, and to hear it for the first time as alive, Spirit breathed words to me from the mouth of God. For the first time, I think by the power of the spirit alone I was able to connect it to my own journey. Here is what I am hearing:
"They seek Me day by day and delight to know my ways...they ask Me for just decisions, they delight in the nearness of God. 'Why have we fasted and You do not see? Why have we humbled ourselves and You do not notice?' " In my spiritual journey over the past 4 or 5 years, I have traveled through a time of darkness and silence between me and God, where I have not been able to hear Him in prayer or the written Word, and I have been in a very dry place, spiritually. I know God is with me and I am able to speak of His goodness with conviction, but this testimony, though honest, is based on emotions and experiences from the past, now only taken by faith. I have enjoyed the blessings of God without hearing His voice, and as such, without the ability to obey. I have been (am) frustrated and confused by God's silence and apparent distance.
"Is this not the fast which I (the LORD) choose, to loosen the bonds of wickedness, to undo the bands of the yoke, and to let the oppressed go free and break every yoke? Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into the house; when you see the naked, to cover him; and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?" I have seen and heard and now believe that it is possible to live this way. This is not charity out of the goodness of my heart, it must be out of a desperation for God from my profound and utter poverty. This is not a result of my training or education or intelligence or privaleged postion, it is by the grace of God only by the annointed power of the Holy Spirit within me.
(If the above described fasting takes place) "Then your light will break out like the dawn, and your recovery will speedily spring forth; and your righteousness will go before you; the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry, and He will say, 'Here I am'... and you will be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail." The Word of the Lord. Could God be teaching me the way to hear His voice again?
Three chapters later, (Isaiah 61) Christ said about himself "The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the afflicted/humble; He has sent me to bind up the brokenheartred, to proclaim libtery to captives and freedom to prisoners, etc...." I can no longer plead ignorance of the oppression and injustice that is taking place within my own country, within my own neighborhood, and for the first time I am seeing it as wrong! I cannot stand idly by anymore with a clean conscience. I do not know what I am supposed to do yet, but I wait for the same Spirit of the Lord God that annointed Christ to annoint me and give me a message or a task. Please pray for that I would be able to listen and obey.
Posted by Benjamin Washam 12:16 AM 1 comments
Labels: San Francisco, Scripture Reflections
Finally!
Thursday, June 16, 2005
I know it's taken me a while to post an I apologize; I have been in the crazy preparation stages for the annual InnerCHANGE (IC) conference where I am serving as the head technology/sound/multimedia/powerpoint/photographer/
videographer/computer/recording guy. I am sitting in the dining hall at the retreat center about 10 miles south of Yosemite National Park where the conference is being held. I am completely exhausted after an entire day of setup and testing and troubleshooting the equipment for the week.
This year the conference is focusing on the Prophetic, one of three currents that define the Order of InnerCHANGE (the Missionary, the Prophetic, and the Contemplative). To learn more about what these currents mean, I highly recommend checking out the IC website linked to the right. People from all of the IC cities around the world are here, as well as many guests from other ministries who share a simliar passion. I am very excited for what God will do and what I will learn from these "prophets," mostly obscure in the eyes of the world who are trying to live out and speak out against injustice and oppression.
John Hayes (the founder of InnerCHANGE) asked a good question tonight that I am still thinking about, and I think you might like to as well: as in the parable of the good samaritan, what does it mean for us to get off our donkey? How can we posture ourselves in a way to meet the poor and broken where they are? It seems much of the mission work I have done in the past has been from a very privaledged position - what would it look like to give up some of that? More to come on this....
Posted by Benjamin Washam 12:54 AM 0 comments
Labels: San Francisco
John David and Lili
Monday, May 30, 2005
This is a snapshot of my life at home during the summer; John David sleeps down the hall from me (and is currently up and crying in the middle of the night), and Lili lives directly above me in the upstairs flat. Lili is from El Salvador and helps me with my Spanish. Both are becoming like family to me!
Posted by Benjamin Washam 1:32 AM 3 comments
Labels: San Francisco
A Day Off Turns Into a Marathon Hike
I went for a long walk yesterday on my day off to get out of the craziness of the city. I ended up hiking briskly for about 6 hours - out of San Francisco, across the Golden Gate Bridge, and across some moutains in the Marin Headlands to get to the ocean. I found a great cove, "South Rodeo Beach," where I was able to sit and think and recharge a bit. My legs were so sore after the unexpected length of the trek that I had to hitchhike to get back to the city and catch a bus home before they shut down for the night. It was an adventure to say in the least, but I waded in the ocean and got to watch crashing waves, so it was worth it!
Posted by Benjamin Washam 1:22 AM 2 comments
Labels: San Francisco
Responses Welcome!
Thursday, May 26, 2005
If you have any comments or questions about any of these posts, please feel free to use the Comment link after each one, and I will respond to each comment personally! Also, feel free to send this blog link to anyone else you think would be interested. Thanks!
-Benjamin
Posted by Benjamin Washam 3:30 PM 1 comments
Labels: San Francisco
Visiting Jesus in Jail
The last place anyone would naturally want to go - juvenile hall in San Francisco. Gang members, drug dealers, and murderers, all between the ages of 14 and 18.
I've started going to jail every Monday night with a Catholic group called Casa San Dimas (Saint Dimas is traditionally known as the penitent thief on the cross) through the security checkpoints at the "Youth Guidance Center." The purpose is to visit. Our first priority is to be a friend and someone to talk to for the guys who often have no friends or family to visit them; if there is an interest, we will sing some songs and go through a very personal Bible study with them. Last Monday I went with two workers Casa San Dimas and met with two young men who only spoke Spanish. We conversed in Spanish, sang some songs they were familiar with, and went through a quick study of Jesus' statment "I am the bread of life."
When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit upon his glorious throne, and all the nations will be assembled before him. And he will separate them one from another, as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. (Mt. 25:31) The rubrik for this separation? -feeding the hungry, welcoming in the outcast, clothing the naked, caring for the sick, and visiting the incarcerated. Can it really be that simple?
I can easily swallow the parable directly preceding this in Matthew: the parable of the talents. It's very nice to be affirmed in investing the gifts God has given me in productive ways - to see the visible results of my work for the Kingdom of God. However, if I am to be a faithful and consistent reader of the scriptures, I must read the next parable of the sheep and the goats the same way - to realize that inasmuch as I am called to use my talents for God in the way I choose, I DO NOT have the choice to opt out of caring for the poor, sick, and incarcerated. For when I care for the least of these - those cast off by everyone else, I am not only following directly in the footsteps of Jesus' earthly ministry, but I am serving Christ himself.
Lord, may I never assume the posture of investing my time without consulting your calender, investing my money without looking at your economy, or choosing my ministry outside of the pattern you set while walking the earth.
Posted by Benjamin Washam 1:51 PM 1 comments
Labels: San Francisco, Scripture Reflections
Church: the communist way
Monday, May 23, 2005
Yes, the rumors are true: I am living in a commune in San Francisco this summer. Or something similar to that. While working during the week for InnerCHANGE, I am housed with Church of the Sojourners (COS). Sojourners (not the Jim Wallace branch) takes seriously the idea that our faith is not primarily an individual one (though that is part of it) but more importantly a communal thing that need to be fleshed out within the body of Christ. Loving one another is our primary calling, and to do that right takes a full-time commitment to each other! Life decisions, relationships, family, and faith need the support and accountability of the body of Christ, and these people have chosen to form their lifestyle around what they believe to be truth.
Members of COS range from Edith in her 50's who joined back in the 80's to Dan and Katie, young newlyweds and new members who are just joining the church. There are college-aged singles, young families with toddlers, and empty nest-ers; ex hippies, conservative Christians, and myself, about 40 in all. These brothers and sisters in Christ live together in a handful of houses in the same neighborhood and share common living quarters except for bedrooms. I am learning from them what it means to love one another as a full time calling and way of life, not just an option for those who have the time and the energy.
Posted by Benjamin Washam 12:31 AM 2 comments
Labels: Ecclesiology, San Francisco
My Upside Down Church
I went to "church" today at Church of the Sojourners. I went to the flat upstairs where, in the expanded living room I found my neighbors and fellow church members sitting around on couches and folder chairs singing praises, passing the bread and wine to each other, and sharing a family meal together as a church. This is not a religious ceremony sybolizing unity in the body and blood of Jesus Christ, this is simply a weekly reflection and celebration of what they are ALREADY LIVING every day with each other.
Unity. Christ prayed that we woud be one in unity as He and the Father were one, so that the world would know that we are His disciples. Sojourners church members take Christ at His word and seek to rearrange their lives in whatever way necessary to fulfill this task of loving each other for Jesus sake to witness to the world. For these 40, it means making career and ministry goals SECONDARY to being faithful to loving each other. I agree, this seems inefficient and limiting; they are tied to location and church; most of us consider our personal and ministry goals first, and move around to new cities and church bodies as needed; Sojourners reverses that. We were not called to be successful first, above all, we are called to love each other, and if we can't do that right with the people we are closest to, we have no right to move ahead in other ministries.
Posted by Benjamin Washam 12:11 AM 0 comments
Labels: Ecclesiology, San Francisco
The Wonder at First Baptist
Saturday, May 21, 2005
First Baptist of SF was a church much like any other: Sunday mornings with a praise band, great preaching, and a thriving Wednesday night Bible Study Ministry. I had attended this church once before during an urban ministry trip spring break of my sophomore year at Wheaton. Now I was here again, literally hours after my plane had landed in SF for my internship. The church had started a tradition of having a church potluck on Wednesday nights before Bible Studies or Youth Groups began with the involved church members bringing dishes to share with each other. It was all going swimmingly until.... the homeless folks of the neighborhood discovered it.
The homeless folks in SF know a regular circuit of shelters and ministries where they can get meals fairly regularly. They caught wind of a potluck at First Baptist and crashed the party! What do you do? Send them away, refer them to a shelter, or stop your church's potluck? This church stopped to consider what God was doing and how to love these people that God had brought to their church door.
First Baptist ended up opening their doors and embracing the homeless folks to feed them, and feed them well! Darren Prince mediated the dinner that night while church people donated resources for food, and the church people cooked up a BBQ chicken, mashed potato, salad, and fruit dinner with hot drinks on the side. I sat at a table in wonder as the street people; homeless, druggies, alcoholics, and rejects were welcomed in to a dinner table set for them - by the church. I sat at a table with Jeremiah "Jerry" and talked for an hour straight about life in SF, Mormonism, baseball and Wrigley Field, why he is on the streets, and his take on Jesus' parable of the wheat and the tares. I learned much from this streetwise and spiritually wise man who took to the streets to live until his pension kicks in. Pray for Jerry, that his knowledge of Christ will deepen as he attends a Bible Study at First Baptist after Wednesday night dinners.
Father, how often do I miss or simply ignore the people that you bring into my life every day when I am busy with my "primary ministry" that always seems so important? My ministry is to love the people that you bring into my life everyday, not my agenda for accomplishing tasks. May I never take my mission for granted, or grasp too tightly my plans for the future, but remain in a posture of listening and obedience. Amen.
Posted by Benjamin Washam 2:05 AM 0 comments
Labels: Ecclesiology, San Francisco
